I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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