Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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