i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
