Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
