Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Randomize
