Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she smelled like a LAN party
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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