It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
