Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize