I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
