Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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