is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
