official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize