Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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