so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
