he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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