A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
