Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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