And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
