i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
