Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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