He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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