I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You should frame my arrest warrant.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
