You can't special order awesome
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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