he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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