I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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