I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
