My balls are so social today.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
