They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
