No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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