Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
