After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
