Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
