batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
