woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
