Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
