we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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