she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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