i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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