Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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