Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
