i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
