Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The uberlube is also flammable
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
