I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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