I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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