ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
