Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
