I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
babies were throwing up all over the place
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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