Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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