we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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