he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
There's even glitter on my cock...
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