She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
