He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
