He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
