there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
