It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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