3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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