an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
