Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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