We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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