Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
