My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
