I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
