Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize