This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
