i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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