apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I didn't notice because vodka
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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