just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
