dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
