with your own penis?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
