i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
