i need an iv and a liver transplant
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
