Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
