You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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