I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
