just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
