I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
