One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
