it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
