theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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