don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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