I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
