well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
