I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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