I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
