I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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