I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
