Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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