In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
