Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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