Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
