My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
