there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is it because I queefed?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
