I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
