cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
