I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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