margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
