you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
