I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
