I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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