If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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