Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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