It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
